Monday, 30 August 2010
Posted by Baby Ri at 13:28
Thursday, 26 August 2010
"Better he never hurt anyone."
"Look, I know what you're about to say and I promise you it won't be funny and will make me think significantly less of you as a person."
"In fact I reckon he was completely 'armless'."
"Part of me just died. That said he must have annoyed someone because it looks like he was 'lamped'."
"I don't get it."
"No, I didn't think you would."
Posted by Baby Ri at 11:24
"Sing it with me: 'Down at the Copa - Copacabana!' What time should we head out for our nocturnal adventures? I cannot wait!"
"I've just been looking on the web and it is says 'the title of the Barry Manilow song 'Copacabana' refers to a New York nightclub of the same name..."
"So, not Copacabana, Bolivia then?"
"It would appear not."
Posted by Baby Ri at 11:14
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Monday, 23 August 2010
"Oh yeah - meant to tell you - me and a couple of the boys are off to Amsterdam."
"Really? What's the occasion?"
"Do you know Dave? I think you must have met him at some point. We quite often go rutting together. Anyways, turns out he's met the girl of his dreams and has decided to settle down and get married so we're all going away to celebrate his last weekend of "freedom"."
"What did you just do with your hooves?
"Sorry, I was trying to do speechmarks for ironic emphasis. Not easy when you stand on all fours and don't have fingers."
"Oh, right. So, the weekend away should be fun. Don't those human types have a name for weekends like that - you know where all the men meet up before a wedding?"
"Not that i'm aware of."
"They definitely do - what is it?!"
"Sorry mate - I haven't got a clue. "
Posted by Baby Ri at 13:11
Posted by Baby Ri at 12:38
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Friday, 20 August 2010
"If I'm honest there is no way I could have predicted how 'reverse diving' would change my life."
"You've certainly travelled extensively and dived in some fairly glamorous locations?"
"Oh for sure. Fortunately I'm a bit of a cultural chameleon and feel equally at home in say a Starbucks in London as I do one in New York or even Hong Kong."
"Wow - I suppose."
"I guess next you're going to ask me for a funny story from my travels?"
"Well I do remember this one time now you ask. As you would expect 'reverse diving' makes some incredible demands on your body and staying in shape is hugely important. So there I am in deepest darkest wherever the hell it was and this little kid says to me: 'Oh you from London you live near River Fames'. I said 'I think you are mistaken little boy - yes I live in London but nowhere near a River Fames', to which he said 'but mister big river in London called the Fames', now this had me perplexed for a while and then I suddenly thought he means the Thames! I laughed for a good long time about that one - I mean the 'River Fames'?!"
Posted by Baby Ri at 16:36
"A lot of people have asked me why I got into reverse diving and my reply is always the same: the challenge. There is something so rewarding about achieving a goal especially when it has never been done before. That really appeals to me. Yes, the training was hard and no, you don't get a lot of time for distractions but in the end it's all worth the effort."
Posted by Baby Ri at 06:35
Thursday, 19 August 2010
"I guess I wasn't initially aware of having a 'talent' per se it was more a case of realising that other people didn't. That's one of my favourite quotes."
"Really? Who said that?"
"Oh, right. So, the video?"
"Yeah. If I'm honest the day the video was shot is still a bit of a blur - I'd been so focussed on preparing that it all ended up happening very quickly. I remember thinking I was in good shape, I'd stayed off the booze to keep my reactions sharp and my new diet ensured I had the requisite stamina. I can remember thinking that it was going well from the start - the initial dips and leg thrusts felt good and the only unknown was the ball throw. Fortunately it was delivered perfectly; my eyes locked on and the feeling when ball connected with shin was one I will never forget."
Posted by Baby Ri at 12:08
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
"Really well actually, we had a good chat and things were going well..."
"...I don't know - sometimes it's just difficult to read the signs - you know?"
"Don't. Don't even dare."
"You know what I mean? She seemed keen but she also seemed a bit shy."
"Stop it. Don't say another word. For the sake of our friendship shut up."
"I figure maybe she was just being COY!"
"And there it is...you had to didn't you? If I wasn't able to breathe under water I'd drown myself right now."
Posted by Baby Ri at 09:01
"Come on now. You must know the costs to manufacture? Take your sales price less your costs and multiply by the number of empanadas you expect to sell."
"Stop saying that. I don't know how you can expect to sell me the oddity of a savoury snack covered in icing sugar and not even have this basic information to hand. This is too much for me. I'm out."
"You know what? I like the two of you - I see something of the younger me in you. Now you're asking for 5 pesos for three empanadas. I am going to give you the 5 pesos but I don't want three empanadas rather I want the entirety of your current stock, any associated recipes, all future profits and whilst we're here that umbrella as well. Do we have a deal?"
Posted by Baby Ri at 03:47
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
"You don't think i've - you know - gone too far?"
"What?! No way."
"Phew. I just thought maybe I'd overdone it slightly."
"Not at all. The message needs to be heard."
"Thank you. I needed to hear that. Without my belief I don't think I could have ever got over the death of that child."
"Sorry? What child?"
"Oh - I didn't tell you? Yeah - the other week I reversed over this kid - I don't know where he came from - I just didn't see him!"
Posted by Baby Ri at 13:44
Monday, 16 August 2010
"Well thank you. How very kind of you to say."
"Indeed and a new fitness regime. You've actually caught me pigging out - I figure if I am good all week I can treat myself on the weekend and you know my weakness - junk food!"
Posted by Baby Ri at 17:04
"Yeah - I started listening to a couple of humans and time ran away with me."
"Must have been an interesting conversation."
"It was actually - they were talking about 'Chaos Theory' or more prosaically 'the Butterfly Effect' - hence why I became interested."
"What's that all about then?"
"Well, as an extreme example the idea is that a small action such as one of us beating our wings could have massive consequences such as a tornado on the other side of the world."
"I know - pretty amazing stuff right?"
"HOW DARE THEY!"
"After all that they have done and they are trying to blame the state of the planet on us?!"
"No - I think you're slightly missing the point."
"Oh no - of course it's the butterflies' fault - how could I forget that we were the ones that developed a society almost entirely dependent on fossil fuels, that we were the ones who cut great swathes through the rainforests?! Typical of humans - looking to lay the blame at someone else's door. They believe this stuff?!"
"Er, erm, hmmm. I think maybe you are taking the example a little too literally. The theory is more a mathematical one than necessarily about us beating our wings which is metaphorical at best..."
"Don't try and placate me. I'm going flying - see if a few wing flaps can't cause a natural disaster or two. FLAP - take that tsunami, FLAP and that earthquake. IDIOTS!"
Posted by Baby Ri at 16:46
"Where are you three going?"
"Just heading over there."
"Can I come?"
"We're just going for a walk - nothing special."
"Yeah but it looks nice over there - I think I'll join you."
"You thought it looked nice here two minutes ago."
"Is he following us?"
"Oh for f*ck's sake. He's such a f*cking sheep."
"I don't think I'm happy with my haircut."
"Oh shut up about it."
Posted by Baby Ri at 15:57
"Erm, yep. They told me they were planning to build a housing estate."
"They were lying."
"Oh dear - how many in the congregation at the moment?"
"Last week it was three sheep and a crow. Though I think one of the sheep was lost."
Posted by Baby Ri at 13:56