Friday, 15 July 2011

Insider knowledge...

“Hello sir how can I help?”
“I think my wife is cheating on me.”
“Oh dear, oh dear – I hear this so often in my line of work. Ok. Well, first things first, maybe you could give me a few details about her? Let’s start with her name.”
“Sarah Jones.”
“Ok, can you give me a description?”
“Yes, she is about 5 foot 5, with short brown hair.”
“Green eyes?”
“A birthmark on her left breast?”
“Yes but how...”
“Details are important sir. Please try to concentrate. Does she giggle softly when making love? Do her cheeks glow at your slightest touch? Does her body rise and fall slowly in the midst of passion as though the ebbing tide?”
“Well, obviously I will have to do some more research but I am afraid to say I have my suspicions…”

If you have a problem - if no one else can help...

"Mr Murdoch! Mr Murdoch! Do you now admit you made a mistake leaving the A-Team to start a media empire?"

Monday, 11 July 2011

Sometimes the clothes...

"I think the 'spot the accountant' competition may be a little easy this month..."

Monday, 21 March 2011

That sinking feeling...

"Oh wow - I didn't realise this was a seaplane!"
"It isn't."

Friday, 14 January 2011

Time to bounce...

"I saw the wise old lady sat there as I had many times before but that day she called me over -
'I know you think me dotty and old' she said. 'Not I' replied I. 'Well, never mind, for once I was considered wise, this will likely come as a surprise.' 'I consider not.' I considered. 'Wisdom is learned' she continued. 'I understand.' I understood.  'Listen now and listen well for a lesson I will teach and a lesson you will learn.' 'Pray continue.' I continued.  'In life it is important to carry yourself always with grace. To hold one's head high, to stand up straight, to flow into a room and command the attention of all who are there.  To have grace, to be graceful. This is key.' 'But what' said I 'is grace?' She looked at me and laughed, the corners of her mouth curled slowly upwards in satisfaction as her eyes twinkled with the memories of younger days and slowly, emerging from her reverie, she whispered softly 'drunken men in suits on a trampoline.' Closing her eyes she leant back in her chair with a contented grin and trumped."